Sing as though no one is listening

One of my favorite sayings in life is, "Dance as though nobody is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt." This saying hit me as I was creating my wedding programs for the church ceremony order of service almost 20 years ago. For some reason, I felt compelled to make this saying the front cover of our program. The first couple of statements make sense and are inspiring... of course you should dance like you don't care who is viewing, and you should feel free to sing in the loudest/most obnoxious voice because you just love a song, but love like it's never going to hurt?? That seems like an odd thing to put on a wedding program. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest, most love filled days of your life. It seems almost pessimistic or melancholy to suggest that your brand new marriage and love as and husband and wife could hurt.. or ever hurt. The truth is though, love does hurt sometimes.

For me though, to suggest to love freely like it was never going to hurt on my wedding program meant that I was soooo blindsided by love, I didn't care what happened. I loved Jon so deeply that I was putting it out there that no matter what the consequence was, I was going to love him like nothing else in the world mattered. It was a statement to all who joined us on our wedding day that said I was willing to hand over and entrust him with everything I had. I didn't care if it ever hurt me - nor did I expect anything ever in return. To this day, those have been words that we have both chosen to live by every day.

I love Jon more today than ever imaginable. It's amazing to me, to think about how much I loved him on our wedding day - so much that it did hurt. It hurt to be without him when we were apart, it hurt to love him so much and wonder if he loved me like that. It also hurt to think of what I would do if I ever lost his love. Thank goodness I've never had to experience that. I couldn't be more proud of the way that we evolved with our love -from being 19 year old kids to 23 some years later - and still hurting when we have to be apart for a business trip or a day when we have to divide and conquer for kids activities. Don't get me wrong, it isn't always rainbows, sunshine and cute furry puppies each day (I like those better than unicorns) but what we have is a love that is unconditional and without boundary - hurt/without hurt - its ours and is everlasting.

The dancing, well that's another thing... I feel like that was put in the program because both of us have a tendency to be goofy. Jon probably more so than me at times.. but if you ask my kids, I pull out some crazy dances like I don't care. Am I one that would do it in front of a crowd? I don't know.. not really. In life in general though, I try to dance or make my own way without worrying about what's going on in the sidelines. To me though, this saying was really a forecast into the life of the beautiful daughter that we were given. She truly can dance...and does it so well. When she's on the stage, she is a light and you can't help but watching her. It's so fun to watch because you can see in her little eyes that she doesn't have a care in the world except about what she's doing on the stage. There could be two people or two hundred people watching and she won't even bat an eye. That is, until recently.... I'll explain later but I will tell you now that my daughter and the way she dances is why I have the hardest time with the line in the program about singing.

"Sing as though no one is listening..." Sounds pretty simple, right? Just put it out there and sing. Like I said before, It's the line from our wedding program that I'm least proud of. You'd think that it was because I have a terrible singing voice and can't keep in tune. I wish that was the case some days. You see, I'm not proud of it because I actually can sing. I used to sing all of the time. I started singing at a very young age at church. I'd do special events, programs, church services, talent shows, took voice lessons, did musicals, you name it, but singing was definitely my life. I sang at my brother's wedding and I even sang at my grandma's funeral when I was 16. Then, I changed high schools and had a choir director who didn't believe in me. He never told me that I couldn't sing, but he had his favorites and always gave them the roles/solos. After time and time again of not getting the part, I slowly started to believe that I shouldn't sing and that I couldn't...So, I just stopped. There were no more audiences, musicals, weddings, events.. I even quit the church choir. It was something that I loved, but I shoved it under the rug. For years, the only audience I had were my babies when I sang them to sleep and occasionally Jon when I just couldn't help but belting out a tune. To this day, some of my best friends have never really heard me sing. It's something I'm not proud of and it actually makes me sad.

The saddest thing about not singing anymore is that I let someone make me stop. How did I let someone who I barely even knew have so much power over me? This person wasn't a role model or someone that I even cared about. They never really did anything to me.. they just didn't believe in me. At the time, that was all that it took. Just one person that didn't believe in me and that's why I'm not proud. Sadly though, with some circumstances with my daughter, she's also had a few instances where people didn't believe in her.. and slowly I've seen those little eyes turn from not caring who is watching to someone who is afraid people are watching at times. As a mother, I'm not only desperate to fix this for her. The only way that I can think of doing this is to lead by example. My choice is to finally sing..

Singing.. it's not going to be in the literal form. I'm going to sing by showing her that when life seems like you can't do something, you show the world that you can. Take those non-believing people and make them feel silly for second guessing you. As an adult, there are no more leaders above me telling me that I can't.. or that I'm not capable. At this point in my life, the person stopping me is myself and my own fears. I've told myself to stop singing because I'm so late in my career. I've always wanted to be an entrepreneur... but since I've been a mom for so many years, I feel out of the loop. I'm not qualified enough, I don't have the resources, I don't have a large enough Instagram following, I don't have an official title. Blah blah blah blah

The honest to goodness truth is that this is all garbage. No one can label me and tell me I'm not enough. It all starts with me telling myself that I'm enough. I love decorating, design and event planning. Who says I can't own my own company and consult people on the things that I absolutely love. I don't have to prove that I'm over the top good at something through my Instagram account. My website doesn't have to be perfect before I let people know what I'm doing. The proof will be in my work and the way that I treat people. The truth will be in the way that I sing as no one is listening....

To my dear daughter... if you dance, I will sing.

xoxoxo

Elzie